In the Army
by Iuri97
Summary: Deviljho tries to get Tigrex in the army, but what will happen when the two of them are stuck in a army with a sadistic Colonel and a Sergeant who hates them? This one took me a bit longer to finish than what I was expecting, but, oh well. HOPE YOU ENJOY IT :D


_In the Army._

After the fight that broke between Deviljho and Tigrex, things calmed down in the Barioth Cave. Giadrome found herself in love with Velocidrome, and Blangonga had become good friends with Rathalos, as they found out that they had several things in common. Iodrome and Qurupeco befriended each other as well, much to Lagiacru´s jealously. The Leviathan hated to admit it, but he considered Qurupeco his best friend despite fighting with him every single day. He was jealous of Qurupeco´s friendship with Iodrome, but decided to keep his mouth shut.

Deviljho and Tigrex, however, could not stand each other. Deviljho called Tigrex "an unruly child who lacks education", while Tigrex called Deviljho a "fat Wyvern who would even eat his mother if the need arrived".

Deviljho decided to teach Tigrex some manners. How? By enrolling him in the "Monster Army", a special army who trained monsters to defeat hunters. They had a very strict training, which, as Deviljho thought, would put Tigrex in his place. Of course, he didn´t told anyone about this plan, because he knew his friends would try to stop him. He simply decided to knock Tigrex unconscious and bring him to the army, and then leave him there.

Once he knocked Tigrex out, in the following day, Deviljho carried the Flying Wyvern on his back and sneaked out of the cave. The army was based outside of a frontier between the Tundra and the Flooded Forest. The terrain there was rugged, perfect for some training. Once Deviljho arrived at the army´s headquarters, he approached the gatekeeper, a big, muscled Arzuros, and asked:

- Uh, excuse me, sir…. Do you know where I can enroll my friend….? –

The Arzuros pointed to a building behind him and said:

- It´s right here on this building, my good sir. –

Deviljho entered the building and wrote Tigrex´s name, with his claws, on a piece of paper. Tigrex recovered consciousness and looked around. He spotted Deviljho writing his name and roared:

- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, OLD MAN?! ARE YOU…. ENROLLING ME IN THE FREAKING ARMY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?! –

Deviljho calmly said:

- I´m doing this for your own good. You´ll have lots of fun and that bad behavior of yours will be gone by the time you leave. –

Tigrex screamed:

- YOU CAN´T DO THIS! –

- I already did. – laughed Deviljho.

Tigrex said, furious:

- All right….. I´m going into the army…. But you are going with me! –

Tigrex jumped in the direction of the piece of paper and wrote Deviljho´s name as well, before the Brute Wyvern could stop him.

Deviljho screamed:

- NO! I…. I…. –

Deviljho sighed. He knew that if he tried to flee, the army would pursue him and force him to complete his training. He had no choice but to train with his rival.

The two monsters were taken to the training grounds of the headquarters, and Deviljho sighed:

- So, this is the army…. –

Suddendly, the Sergeant who would be training them, a very large and impressive Kushala Daora, who was always screaming, in a demanding voice, said:

- YES, THIS IS THE ARMY! ATTENTION, SOLDIERS! ABOUT FACE! –

However, when Deviljho and Tigrex turned around, they accidentally knocked their fellow soldiers with their tails. Tigrex laughed and Deviljho growled angrily:

- Shut up! The fault is also yours! –

Suddendly, the angry Sergeant screamed:

- YOU TWO! COME HERE IMMEDIATELY! –

Deviljho and Tigrex gulped and approached slowly the Sergeant, and Deviljho said, bending down:

- Soldier Deviljho at your orders, your highness. –

Tigrex said, angry:

- You´re not speaking to a Queen, you idiot. –

The Sergeant said:

- So, soldiers, LISTEN to me. YOU ARE…. –

However, the Sergeant was interrupted by a voice that said:

- Sergeant! –

The Sergeant gulped. It was the voice of Colonel Alatreon. The enormous Elder Dragon approached Deviljho and Tigrex and said:

- They´re some of the new soldiers, right? ATTENTION! ABOUT FACE! –

Tigrex and Deviljho turned around and Tigrex said, unafraid of the Colonel:

- Sure, Colonel "Shit-latreon." –

Deviljho gulped:

- W-what are you doing? Shut up! –

Tigrex said:

- Come on, old man. Think. If we are rude, maybe they will kick us out. –

Tigrex, however, was wrong. His rude response resulted in extra work for him, Deviljho and even the General, who obviously was not happy. Deviljho knew that now, the Sergeant would hate them for the rest of his life.

After the extra job of carrying weights was completed, the Sergeant told the two rivals:

- Alright, soldiers, I don´t want any more troubles with the Colonel, alright? He is absolutely DEADLY when he gets mad. YOU DON´T WANT TO SEE HIM MAD! So listen good. You just listen to my orders and you BE POLITE TO THE COLONEL, OR THE ONE WHO PUNISHES YOU IS ME! YOU HEARD ME?! –

Tigrex sighed:

- It´s hard not listen to you when you have such a loud and ugly voice. Seriously, was your father a….. –

But Deviljho stepped on Tigrex´s foot to shut him up, and smiled to the Sergeant:

- D-Don´t listen to him, Sergeant. He…. Is kind of…. Uh…. Stupid. –

Meanwhile, in the Tundra, Velocidrome and Giadrome were walking together, as night slowly fell. Giadrome asked:

- Uh… Can I ask you something, Velocidrome? Do you…. Have a girlfriend? Or are you interested in someone? –

Velocidrome said:

- Uh…. No. I never had a girlfriend, actually. Which is why Gendrome is always teasing me….. –

Giadrome smiled and thought:

- "Great! Looks like I can try my luck, then." –

Back at the army, it was dinner time, much to Deviljho´s joy. However, the so called "dinner" was just some scales from a Burst Arowana and a few potatoes. Deviljho knew it would be useless to complain, so he simply turned to Tigrex and said, in an angry tone:

- Tigrex, pass me the potatoes. –

The Flying Wyvern ignored Deviljho and started to eat some of the so called "dinner". Deviljho roared:

- ARE YOU DEAF?! I SAID PASS ME THE POTATOES! –

Tigrex looked Deviljho in the eyes and said:

- GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT OF THE DAMNED CHAIR AND GO GET THEM! –

Deviljho screamed:

- WHAT?! IF I HAVE TO GET UP FROM HERE, YOU´RE GONNA BE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER! –

Tigrex laughed and pointed under his legs:

- Oh, yeah? Well, I have two potatoes here for you, fat boy. SUCK ON THEM! –

Deviljho roared angrily:

- THAT´S IT! IT´S TIME TO BATTLE! –

Tigrex said:

- Bring it on, fatty! –

The two monsters started to fight each other and the other soldiers who were getting dinner started to run away, scared. Deviljho and Tigrex were so caught in the heat of their fight that they didn´t noticed Colonel Alatreon walking in and they rammed into him, knocking him into a table.

The Sergeant Kushala Daora walked in just in time to see the disaster happening. He glared angrily at Deviljho and Tigrex, before the Colonel got up and yelled:

- SERGEANT! –

The Sergeant said, trembling:

- Yes, my Colonel? –

The Colonel roared:

- YOU AND THOSE TWO UNRULY SOLDIERS WILL GO WASH THE RESTROOMS! MAYBE YOU ALL WILL LEARN HOW TO BEHAVE IF YOU CLEAN DIRT! –

With no choice, Deviljho, Tigrex and the Sergeant went to the restrooms to clean them, but the Sergeant wouldn´t stop staring angrily to those two soldiers. Deviljho was growing uncomfortable with the glares and said:

- Please stop looking at us like that, Sergeant…. We…. We swear we will not cause any more problems to you or the Colonel. –

Suddendly, one of the other soldiers, a Basarios, got out of one the toilets and washed his wings, dropping water all over the place. Tigrex yelled:

- HEY, "ROCKY"! I JUST CLEANED THAT! –

The Basarios said:

- Oh, my body is weak to water, you know? I have to follow the hygiene rules, but I can´t use too much water when I wash my wings. That´s why I drop so much water. –

Tigrex said:

- Oh yeah? THEN WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF…. –

The Sergeant said quickly:

- Don´t worry, Soldier Basarios. We will clean that up again. You just go to bed. Tomorrow will be a long day. –

The Basarios left and the Sergeant said to Tigrex:

- Don´t you think that you already caused enough problems for a day?! Keep that mouth shout! –

Meanwhile, in the Tundra, everyone in the Barioth Cave was worried about the disappearance of Deviljho and Tigrex. But they thought that the reason why they were both gone was because they were either hunting or were making amends. Blangonga ended up saying:

- Hey, everyone, how about playing some cards? –

Rathalos laughed:

- Hell yeah, man! That would be great! –

Great Jaggi laughed as well:

- Ah, ah! I played cards all the time when I was a whelp! –

Suddendly, Great Jaggi heard a voice whispering in his ear:

- And I was always beating you, cousin. –

Great Jaggi turned around and saw Great Baggi. He said, angrily:

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! –

Great Baggi smiled:

- Hey, calm yourself down, cousin. I just came over here to see what you were all up to. Relax. There will be no pranks tonight. –

Great Jaggi looked around and asked:

- Where is that creepy dragon friend of yours? –

Great Baggi said:

- You mean Chameleos? He went back to the Forest and Hills to steal some stuff from hunters. –

Great Jaggi said:

- Alright then…. You can play cards with us, but I will be keeping my eyes on you. –

Blangonga, Rathalos, Great Jaggi and Great Baggi decided that their game would be poker. However, Great Baggi kept winning and laughed:

- Sorry, fellas. I won E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. –

Rathalos sighed:

- Well, that´s unbelievable. You´re a great player. –

Great Jaggi said:

- And a great cheater too. You guys don´t really believe he´s winning fair and square, right? –

Great Baggi said:

- Ah, you´re just jealous, cousin. –

Meanwhile, Velocidrome was talking with Iodrome while they were drinking Uragaan Beers. Giadrome tried to impress Velocidrome and said:

- Hey, Velocidrome, want to see something cool? –

She spat her freezing liquid to Velocidrome´s beer and smiled:

- There. Now your beer is colder and more refreshing. –

Velocidrome said:

- Hey, that´s great! You´re awesome, Giadrome! –

Giadrome smiled again. Gendrome approached Giadrome and said:

- Hey, cupcake…. Do you want to refresh me, too? –

Giadrome said to Gendrome:

- Yeah, sure. Here you go. –

She spat her liquid to Gendrome´s face, freezing it solid. Velocidrome and Iodrome laughed and Gendrome walked in the direction of Rathalos, and asked, his voice muffled by the ice:

- Rathalos….. mind burning this down? –

Giadrome said:

- Don´t do it, Rathalos! He will never learn his lesson that way! –

Velocidrome laughed again:

- Giadrome, you kill me! –

And that was how that night went in the Barioth Cave. The following morning, in the Monster Army, just as soon as the sun rose, Deviljho and Tigrex were forced to get up. Tigrex refused to leave his bed so early, and Deviljho screamed:

- TIGREX! Get up! We can´t be late for the morning training! –

Tigrex laughed:

- You can go, fatty, but I´m not leaving bed until it is lunch time. –

Deviljho said, furious:

- Oh, no! You´re going to train like everyone else! –

Tigrex growled, angrily:

- Oh yeah?! Make me! –

Tigrex grabbed his pillow (which was actually a rock that was fairly comfortable to monsters) and threw it at Deviljho. The Brute Wyvern dodged the attack and the "rock pillow" struck Colonel Alatreon´s head just as he was passing trough. The Colonel looked at the rock and screamed:

- SERGEANT! –

After Sergeant Kushala Daora was heavily scolded for not keeping his soldiers on the line, he decided to give simple jobs to Deviljho and Tigrex to avoid any more trouble. However, when he was going to give Deviljho and Tigrex their assignments for the day, he noticed Tigrex was not around. He asked Deviljho:

-Hey, where is that rival of yours? –

Deviljho looked around, surprised, and said:

- I have no idea. He was here just a moment ago! –

Suddendly, Colonel Alatreon also passed trough, furious, and said:

- Sergeant, warn me if you see my toothbrush! I can´t find it anywhere! –

The Sergeant and Deviljho looked at each other and ran to the bathrooms. And they found Tigrex there, brushing his teeth with Colonel Alatreon´s toothbrush, while he was singing:

_- "I love brushing my teeth,_

_Yes I do….." – _

The Sergeant yelled:

- W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THIS IS THE COLONEL´S TOOTHBRUSH! –

Suddendly, the Colonel walked in and saw the Sergeant with his toothbrush. Assuming the Sergeant was the one using his toothbrush, he screamed:

- SERGEANT! –

The Sergeant gulped and turned around, slowly. Deviljho whispered to Tigrex:

- Why where you using the Colonel´s toothbrush? –

Tigrex said, also whispering:

- There were no other toothbrushes and I thought this one didn´t had an owner…. –

After the Colonel scolded the Sergeant again, the Sergeant decided this was the final straw and took Deviljho and Tigrex to the barn that the army owned. There were several Aptonoths in the barn. The Sergeant said:

- Al right, soldiers, I don´t want more trouble. I want you to kill these Aptonoths and then give us their steaks so we can cook them. You can´t mess up a job as simple as this. –

The Sergeant left the two soldiers to kill the Aptonoths, and Deviljho felt very tempted to eat them all. Tigrex noticed this and laughed:

- Hey, fatty, try not to eat anything. –

Deviljho roared:

- WHAT?! ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I´M A GLUTTON?! –

Tigrex said:

- I´m not implying, I´m telling the truth! –

Angered, Deviljho grabbed one of the Aptonoths and started beating Tigrex with it. Tigrex did the same and the two of them started to beat each other with the Aptonoths.

Eventually, Tigrex threw the Aptonoth he was holding, but Deviljho dodged the hit. The poor Aptonoth flew through the skies until it struck some explosives that were being saved for defeating experienced hunters. The collision resulted in a huge explosion that destroyed the Colonel´s room. The Colonel screamed, in a blind fury:

- SERGEANT! –

After the Sergeant was scolded again, he decided to say to Deviljho and Tigrex, sighing:

- What do you two have against me? Why don´t you follow my orders? Why do you cause me so much trouble? The Colonel says that he is going to reassign me to Private rank again because of all these troubles. Quite frankly, I don´t think you are prepared for this. You are too disobedient and rebellious. You guys…. Should just go home. Go back to your mommies. There is no place for monsters like you in this army. GET LOST!-

Tigrex laughed:

- YES! With pleasure, my Sergeant! –

The two monsters returned to the Tundra, where their friends were already leaving the Barioth Cave. Rathalos noticed the two of them and said:

- Here you are! We were just leaving to go back to the Deserted Island! Where were you? –

Deviljho sighed:

- It´s such a long story, I would bore you to death if I told you. –

Meanwhile, Tigrex, Blangonga and Iodrome were leaving, and Tigrex asked Giadrome:

- You´re not coming, Giadrome? –

She smiled:

- Naw, man. I´m going to visit the Deserted Island with them. –

Her friends knew this was just an excuse to follow Velocidrome, but decided to remain quiet. As the monsters said farewell to Barioth and his wife, and to their new friends (although Deviljho and Tigrex still could not say good-bye without picking up a fight). While the monsters were travelling, Qurupeco would not stop singing:

_- "Oh, we´re halfway there,_

_Ooooh, Livin´on a prayer….." –_

Lagiacrus growled:

- Qurupeco, shut up! Seriously, if there was a prize for singing as bad as a hunter on a shower, you would have already won one. –

Qurupeco said:

- At least I´m not as ugly as a Gobul. –

Lagiacrus yelled:

- EXCUSE ME?! SAY THAT AGAIN! –

The two of them started fighting, and Rathian sighed:

- Guys, stop that. Seriously…. You fight every day. –

Lagiacrus smiled. Yeah, they were always fighting, but there was no doubt that the two of them were best friends deep down…..

_The End….._

(for now).


End file.
